I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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