??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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