So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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