Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
