if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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