She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
