Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep