It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.