Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im so drunk with asians
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.