like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....