You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.