"it" just moved
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife