dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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Can you bring me the toilet please
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me