I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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