nutella sex= disaster
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry