I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!