too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
