He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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