woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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