you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
