we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
