Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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