I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
