I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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