i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
