I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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