thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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