She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
