You're my little dorito
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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