She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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