And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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