Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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