Don't you send me to vm
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
