Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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