it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
