I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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