After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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