The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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