before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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