i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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