don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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