Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
