It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
