your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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