so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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