i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
