Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
