Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
"it" just moved
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He better not be in your backpack
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
