if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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