what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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