you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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