I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
