Kiss
Puke
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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