Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
