there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.