Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.