Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized