you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.