Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.