if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize