Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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