you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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