I think I won the penis lottery.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
