i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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