I'm jealous of your bromance
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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