Will you blow on my dice?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
