The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize