Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
