Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
