I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
