what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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