Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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