today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
third nipple confirmed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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