ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
