Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
