She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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