Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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