i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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