I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
