i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
