Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
